grappling with the weight of life

This life.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do with It. Or maybe, I just don't know what to do with myself within it. And sometimes I wonder when my life is going to click into place. If ever.

I believe in the power of thoughts and intentions. With that in mind, I can't seem to find the strength to put positive energy into the things that I want to have and accomplish. I'm stuck in a blah bubble and have been here for such a long time - probably about a year now. I have had ups where I am motivated and passionate, but they soon fade, and I don't know how to make them permanent.

I think a lot of people go through this. I'm not alone in this feeling, right?

It might have something to do with not knowing what I want. It also could have something to do with being scared. Maybe not knowing how to maneuver through to my goals. I loved living in places where inspiration came from just a short walk or small talk with a stranger. Living in cities gave me an expansive imagination, showing me what I could have. Here in this small wintery town, there's little to be inspired by. I tend to spend my days alone and I think it's draining me of my essence.

Being 25 years-old, I'm at the age where wanting a partner is starting to float into my thoughts with gumption. It's a weird feeling because I still feel young, wanting to venture to new places and experience the world, but I also want a family. I know having a family doesn't mean that traveling isn't an option. I see stories about the most adorable families traveling, but the realist in me knows that only few can actually do that between stationary jobs, expenses, and life. I mean, I can hardly take care of myself, how do I expect to take care of a family and travel on top of that?


I grapple with what it's like to be an adult, be the person I want to be, and finding a path that will make me happy. Life is a sticky mess right now and I don't have answers or solutions for those who are in the same boat. I guess it's just a day-by-day journey to finding a happy state of mind - and life. If you're also struggling, maybe we could join forces and find motivation together. Get in touch.

Selah.