Excuses are not enough

This post is a prelude to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 1.


Around this time two years ago, I had just moved clear across the country - from Michigan to Washington state - to begin the life I had dreamed of for years. I began as an intern at YES! Magazine, a non-profit publication whose goal is to inform people on issues and then give them practical action steps on how to make a difference in society.

I loved my co-workers, the environment, Bainbridge Island, the short ferry ride to Seattle, how the articles I wrote seemingly made a difference to the readers, and the new independence I felt living in city that had so much to explore. I learned a tremendous amount, met interesting people with unique perspectives, and experienced so many new things.

When the internship came to an end though, I wasn't sure what to do. Like always, fear and courage came together at a peak, each bringing seemingly valid points to the argument of to stay or leave Seattle.

I ended up deciding to stay. I found a room to rent and started looking for a job, but those fears I mentioned earlier kept creeping back into my mind. I looked and looked for a job, but kept getting discouraged. Every day I became more stressed about sustaining myself. I applied at the Target within walking distance of my house, but they even denied me. This dream life of mine was becoming less and less visible.

I ended up buying a ticket home.

I felt like I had failed, I felt ashamed that I couldn't make it work, and I was embarrassed that I let fear swoop in.

After a few months home, I came across an article that brought the life back in my eyes. It featured Shay Brown and Cassie Torrecillas of Bucketlist Bombshells talking about their new Work Online and Travel the World Course. They had decided to drop the 9-5 routine and embark on a digital nomad lifestyle where they would travel around the world working from their laptops. This was my first introduction to this type of lifestyle and, let me tell you, I was hooked.

But that initial inspiration slowly dissipated as obligations arose and those full days of work left me tired. I didn't finish the course, but kept saying I would make time for it.

A year later, Cassie and Shay start promoting their next round of the course. I thought it was the perfect time to get back in the saddle and begin the course again. I began, but yet again, haven't finished. Oh how those excuses pile up.

When I look at my life, there seems to be so many avenues that I could and want to go down. There's the dream to travel the world, working from my laptop in villages awaiting exploration and experience. There's the dream of living in Seattle, working at a publication. There's the dream of being an author and writing something that will mean something to someone. There's the dream of opening a boutique and selling beautiful things. There's the dream of creating parties that will give people memories for a lifetime. There's so much I want to do, yet the thought of that is so overwhelming that it can cause me to procrastinate and make no progress down any of the avenues. Not good.

The ultimate question is: what will make me happy?
But the question I need to analyze first is: what challenges are holding me back from making necessary changes so I can begin to live the life that will make me happy?

And that is what I'll conquer in my next post [view it here]

2015 || a year of questions

Looking back at the year in comparison to 2014, I couldn't help but feel like what was the point of 2015? But then I came across a quote that seemed to put it all in perspective:

"There are years that ask questions, and there are years that answer." -Zora Neale Hurston

After reading this quote, I realized that although things didn't always turn out the way I wanted them to, there was still a point to the year. 2015 was a year of questions that I didn't know the answers to. I asked and asked and asked and am still asking with seemingly no response, but I think it's important to stop obsessing over receiving the answer right now and allowing the questions to just be. The answers will come, I just have to wait and keep the door open for receiving. 

Knowing I have been stubborn and probably hard on myself, I took a look through my photos from the year, and it reminded me of the good memories I had in the last 12 months. So here it goes ---

I lived in Washington state on the beautiful Bainbridge Island. I would walk down to the pebbly beach and watch the ferry glide in, then take off to Seattle. I was grateful for a warm, snowless winter in the Pacific Northwest.

I worked with some of the most passionate, humble, loving people I've known. I don't have pictures of all the people I love from YES!, but here are a few. Top left: Miles who made me watch wrestling, but only after watching the Bachelor with me. Top right: Erin who brought out the sassy in me and always had my articles looking their best. Bottom left: Mary and James. Mary was my girl from the day I moved into the YES house. We spent nights at the Alehouse, traveled over to Seattle, and had conversations about life <3 her dearly. James always gave me a new way to look at issues I was writing about and gave me the boost to dig deep. Bottom right: Morgan who brought her bubbly personality and wonderful insights into any conversation. 

Missing: Christa who believed in my voice and did everything with love and compassion. Jim who was the sweetest and kindest person (plus always brought home bread). Susan who gave the best advice and always gave a helping hand. Natasha who was such a beautiful artist and kicked butt on our hike. Peter who I wish I had gotten to know more, but was not only a caring individual but also a fiction writer! There were so many others I was grateful to work with day and day out.

Other notable things I did with my YES folks: had wonderful family dinners, watched the Super Bowl (Seattle Seahawks vs New England Patriots) in a Seattle bar that was only standing room. It was so sad to see the Seahawks lose and in the way that they did. We worked at the HUB, chilled in the beer garden, debated where solutions journalism was going and what part we had in the process, spent a few days in a beach house and singing by a fire in the rain, and eating deep dish pizza while talking about the effect of global warming.

I adventured around Seattle alone. I went to the Frye Museum of Art, Elliot Bay Book Co., wandered the streets, got lost, got rained on, found cool things, and explored. It really felt empowering to be able to just walk and find new things everywhere I looked.

I learned how awesome hackerspaces and makerspaces are after talking to the Seattle Attic, FemHack, Hacker Gals, and a few others. This is the first time I saw direct change and action being made from an article I wrote. I still haven't visited Hacker Gals, but I really want to in the near future. Stacy, the founder, is such a sweet person and I want to get an update on what they're doing.

In the second part of the internship, I really started to love the topics I was writing about, like the hackerspaces one, the article about hip-hop artist Jasiri X and how he is bringing awareness about social justice through his music (and literally got so starstruck, like heart beating extra fast, falling in love type of feelings when watching his videos), and the article about breweries turning to sustainable methods to help stop global warming (I also liked talking to Rick Williams about restorative justice, but that was in December 2014 so it doesn't count).

I learned so much, talked to some amazing people, got frustrated a few times, but enjoyed being a part of bringing positive news to the public. Go solutions journalism!

One of my favorite places to be - always - Intentional Table. I walked into the studio, really shy, and walked out with a job helping the food and wine studio with social media. Not only did I learn a lot about food, but I learned a lot about life from the owner and my second mom, Zoe. She is the most inspirational, go-getter, loving person I know. Every single day I spent with her was amazing and her presence always put me in a better mood. 

I also met some other wonderful people at Intentional Table including Heather, Abby, Marsha, and Carla. They are the sweetest.

But, wait. Let's step back a moment and look at the things that didn't go so well. I felt lost, not knowing where I should go and what I should do with my life. I loved the things I was doing at YES, but it was hard, time consuming, and I didn't know if I could get a job doing something like this. My dad had health issues, which pulled me to want to go home.

I ended up deciding to stay in Seattle. Got a room in a house with five other girls. The landlord didn't even tell them that I was moving in, so when I got there with all my things, they looked shocked that a random person was bringing all their stuff inside. I felt alone, isolated, couldn't find a job. The room I was in had basically no heat. I enjoyed going to the library, so that was a plus.

With my dad being sick and me not feeling happy and having a hard time finding a job, I got a plane ticket home to Michigan. 

I felt happy to be home, but also like a failure. I got a job working at Camp Miniwanca, which brought me a lot of joy and a little bit of office drama. I still felt like I wasn't living up to what I should've been. 

I had my first poem published in print! Besides being published, it was also displayed in the Bainbridge Island Public Library lobby. Read about it here.

I spent a bunch of time with this guy. Baked pies, went to a birthday party, spent a day with his family kayaking down a river (so much fun, but he had to rescue me a million times...oops), watched hours of Game of Thrones and Grey's Anatomy, made jar salads, introduced him to a scoby (hilarious!), went on a Stony Lake boat tour and a bunch of other things #alwaysmybestfriend #lovehimtopieces - side note: one of these pics is a throwback from years ago - can you guess it?

Had such a blast at the Speak Like A Girl show featuring Megan Falley and Olivia Gatwood. They are kick ass women that talk about rape culture, social norms, feminism and a lot of other topics, but in a way that knocks your socks off. Highly recommend watching their videos, buying their books, and watching them live. I also got to listen to the Sharon Olds! I went with one of my best friends and ran into another friend from high school. He got us into the after party, where we got to have conversation with these fierce women. It was an amazing night.

Had a Yarwood family reunion! I hadn't seen these cousins in such a long time - some of them I had never even met. I also joined in on a sand dune ride at Silver Lake. Even though I've lived 10 minutes from the lake my entire life, I had never been in a dune buggy. It was realllllly bumpy!

And spent some time with my girls! We went out for Halloween. Jasmine and Lauren were 70s glam girls and I was a robber. I never get to see my G11 gals enough, but I surprised them and visited on my birthday HA! They had invited me to a party and didn't know it was my birthday, but how better could I have spent it? Had such a great time and I listened to a bunch of (actually) really good karaoke.

Here comes 2016, let's give it all we've got and more.

♥ Kay

A new season, new household, new everything

 Easter is one of my favorite holidays. I can't really describe what makes it so special. Maybe because it feels like it's the gateway to Spring (my favorite season). Kids hunt for eggs beside tiny mounds of melting snow or behind the tiny green stalks burrowing out of the dirt. I like bunnies and pastels and jello eggs (jello poured into egg-shaped molds and a tradition in my household) and flowers and family.

This year, Easter was a day of transition and a reminder of what I'm getting myself into.

On Saturday, I planned on taking a few of my bags over to my new room. I wanted to prove my independence by transporting all my things myself, but quickly realized that it would be nearly impossible. I could do it, but it would take many trips on the ferry and bus to accomplish this task. I really didn't realize how much stuff I had and how heavy it would be until I packed it all up and tried to move it.

I thought I should pack up one back and bring it over to my room, so I filled my backpack with books and headed out to meet the house manager to get my keys. A few things went wrong though. I missed the ferry I was going to catch, the next ferry was late, then the manager asked if I'd rather meet her downtown in the International District. Not having a smartphone that can easily access a map, I had to ask for help from my parentals (2,000 miles away) for directions. After their valuable help, I did find the way, but after trekking up steep Seattle hills with a 50 lb backpack, I was beat.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to get on the bus and go all the way to my apartment, but finally decided to just do it. When I arrived, the roommates were surprised to see me. Little did I know, the house manager supposedly doesn't have very good communication with the tenants and didn't tell them I was moving in. It was awkward for them, awkward for me, awkward all around.

I sat down with one of them who was watching reruns of 90210, but after awhile decided to head back to Bainbridge. On the bus ride home, I asked Clo, the office manager at YES! and angel house mom, if she would be able to help my transport my stuff. Thank goodness she said yes.

So yesterday, Clo helped me move my stuff in the afternoon after she picked up the new graphics intern and showed her around the island. When I got to my new place, I unpacked a little and then ventured out to the store.

At the intern house, the rooms were furnished. They had towels, comforters, blankets, pillows - but not here. In Jas' words, I was going to have to "rough it," meaning buy an air mattress and live minimally but when I got to Target, they were closed because it was Easter. I would really have to "rough it." So much for loving Easter.

Heading back, I saw Walgreens was open, so I wandered in. I looked around a bit and went down the discount aisle. That's when I found it: an air mattress. Thank goodness I wouldn't have to sleep on the ground but when I got home, I realized that it didn't have a pump and I'd have to blow it up myself. So I put Grey's Anatomy on and puff after puff blew that mattress up.

By the end, I was ready for bed. It was 9 p.m.

It was kind of chilly so I put on some thick socks, a sweatshirt and long pants. After tossing and turning, shivering, and downright freezing, I got up. I rearranged my sleepwear so I was wearing leggings, two pairs of long pants, two pairs of thick socks, a long sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, zip-up, hoodie, hat, scarf, and gloves. You're thinking I'm crazy right now, aren't you? I literally think I'm crazy too. I half wonder if it was psychological because I was still tossing, turning and cold all night.

When I woke up, guess what I did. I went to Target and bought a comforter. Hopefully I'm not as cold tonight. Oh the joy of moving somewhere with just a suitcase.

On the bright side, I got an Easter box from my parents and grandma at the end of last week. It brightened my transition. They put together a box of ingredients for Apple Salad (aka Kayla Salad because it's my favorite) and other Easter goodies. Here are a few pics from the box.

Coconut flavored popcorn, a bag full of candy from my grandma, biscotti, trail mix, apple salad ingredients, Bella Grace Magazine - THANKS!

Candy, candy and more candy!

My mom always decorates the box with seasonal paper. Here's an up-close view with a bunch of Spring-ish words.

Throwback to 2001 when I was helping with Easter dinner by arranging jello eggs.

I just booked a ticket back home to Michigan...APRIL FOOLS!

Wait...I'm staying in Seattle? Yup.

It was getting down to the wire. I had to choose: a plane ticket or an apartment.

There were pros and cons to each. It's so much safer to go home where I can see my family, cuddle with my dog and sleep in my room. But then again, would I be able to find a job in my small town? Well, I would be applying to places everywhere and could move to that location when I got the job. But it's so much harder to get a job when you aren't in that city. I do have a couple of leads on jobs I want in Seattle, but who knows when they will get back to me?

I struggled to sort through my thoughts and asked a TON of people their advice. B told me to get an apartment and take a chance because if I go home I could get stuck. My grandma said maybe I should wait it out and see if any of these jobs come through. She reminded me that my mom went to California when she was young and it opened her eyes and fostered a lot of self-growth. MSM told me to come home and then quickly changed his mind and said I better stay because I always do the opposite of what he says.

It was such a difficult decision. And then I made up my mind. I called my dad up and said with vigor "I'm coming home, Dad!" Guess what he said. He said that I have some really good opportunities in Seattle. He told me he wanted me to be happy and that he knows that I really want a job and that it wouldn't hurt to stick it out here. He'd hate to see me fly all the way back to Michigan and get an offer and have to fly all the way back to Seattle. "Think it over," he said.

Thanks a lot, Dad. I'd already thought about it so hard, why'd he have to go and mix me up again? That night, my mind was still set on going home. I think I was also so ready to leave because I had been looking for a room to rent with hardly any luck. If I were going to stay, I needed to know I wasn't going to be homeless. Finally, some people finally responded to me and although this didn't change my mind about leaving, it made me breathe a little easier.

So Monday, I decided to take a look at a room so I took the ferry across Puget Sound, wandered around until I found the Pioneer Square station, rode the bus across town, and walked until I found the house I was looking for. In her car was the rental manager. She showed me around the house and it looked like these girls were young, welcoming, fun people. There was a well-stocked bookshelf, St. Patrick's Day decorations, a dry erase board with their names and pictures of what they did (one had a stethoscope, another a cocktail, etc.). I told the lady I'd think about it and took a stroll. The public library was across from the bus stop and had a gorgeous little nature area. Just steps from that was a mall and shopping area and after awhile, I started to think I could see myself there.

So yesterday, I decided to jump on the opportunity. Even today I called my dad again upset and wanting to come home, but he talked me through it. I'm not sure what will come of it, but I'm going to work my tail off to get where I want to be, whether I stay here or go home. But for now, I'm going to try it out. Sooooo please send good vibes my way and I'll try to send some back. xoxo

Books + Museum + Rainy Afternoon in Seattle

To be quite honest, I feel like I'm pushing forward without a sense of what my path is. My internship at YES! is ending next week, I haven't booked a plane ticket anywhere (even though my parents keep asking me what day I'm flying home), I don't have any arrangements to stay in Seattle, and no job.

One way to look at the situation is I'm in deep trouble. Another way to look at it is I have a lot of options.

I mean, not everything happening in my life is bad. I have a second interview on Friday for a recipe editor position at a new cookbook app. I should hear back about a job at the Society of Professional Journalists headquarters next week. Also, my bestie who is living in California keeps telling me I always have the option of staying with her for as little or as long as I want. Plus home is always awaiting me with open arms.

The thing is, I just want to pave my own way and jump into this crazy life head and heart first.

Anyway, onto other things, Sunday I decided to take a trip to Seattle. I have been dying to visit the iconic Elliot Bay Company and Frye Art Museum, so here's some pics from my trip:

I was exhausted, but happy, when I finally saw Frye Art Museum. I'm still a little intimidated by public transportation, so I walk everywhere. This was quite a trek in the rain - ten blocks uphill! And when I say uphill, let me just tell you that it was so steep that people holding onto the wall as they were descending because the rain had made it so slippery.

After about eight blocks and soaked from the rain, I called my daddy. Yes, I rely on my dad even when we're over 2,000 miles apart. He assured me that I was almost to the museum and I kept on with my journey.

Hello, Frye. Nice to finally see you. Bonus: this museum is always free.

I wasn't totally thrilled with the exhibit, but there were a few pieces that caught my eye. Caption: Rud[olf?] Gliesch. Plate 68, Omamentik der Gegenwart, 1905-6. Published by Verlag Christian Stoll, Plauen, Germany.

Aubrey Beardsley. British, 1872-98. Illustrations in Sir Thomas Malory, Le Morte D'Arthur. Published by William Dent & Son, London, 1894. Limited Edition, two-volume set, bound in ivory cloth with gold decoration.

Henri Heran (pseudonym of Paul Hermann). German, 1864-1940. Spielendes Meerweib (Frolicking Mermaid), n.d. Color wood and lithograph. Published in Pan III, no. 4, 1897.

This was part of the featured artist: Rodrigo Valenzuela. I didn't get the info on this particular piece, but it was a big room that was set up with these canvases. The atmosphere was very industrial. The rest of his exhibit was videos. One showcased African American men talking picking up trash at a stadium and talking about their lives. Another was a series of videos. The one that I watched told the story of men crossing the Mexico-U.S. border and the atrocities that happened to them.

Valenzuela's exhibition was by far my favorite that the museum had on display.

Need a bike? Rent one at one of these stations.

After I left the museum, I was on my way to Elliot Bay. Except for the fact that between 9th Street and 10th street there are probably five non-numbered streets. So needless to say, I got a bit confused.

And that's when I stumbled upon Seattle University. As I walked by, I saw a beautiful garden and decided I had to take a detour.

Everyone should have a Shakespeare garden!

The campus is just beautiful. I felt right at home and loved the mossy steps and flowering gardens.

After being lost in the city, taking a breather in nature was definitely needed.

The campus is trying to be zero waste. They're doing this by making it easy for students to recycle and compost. Did you know that there's an ordinance in Seattle against putting food in the garbage? That's pretty awesome, right?

The area around Frye Museum and the campus of Seattle University were beautiful, so when I turned down 10th Street and found it kind of dirty, I wasn't sure if I should proceed in the direction Elliot Bay was supposed to be. I kept on going and was so happy when I saw this sign. I made it!

Can I just live here?

There were four long shelves of poetry - and most of it contemporary poetry! I was in heaven. I found this gem of a book Dear Lil Wayne by Lauren Ireland.

And of course I couldn't resist the urge to buy some poetry books. I've been obsessed with Write Bloody Publishing for yearsss (was hell-bent on interning there before they stopped offering internships) and when I was watching Button Poetry videos, I found Sarah Kay. Since then, I've been watching video after video after video after video of Sarah's. As for the Zachary Schomburg book, I just couldn't put it down.

The first snow on Bainbridge + Seattle sunsets

Snow has finally arrived on Bainbridge Island. I was very surprised when, through my blinds, I saw white dusting the leaves outside my window. I had been unusually cold when I went to bed Friday, but I thought nothing of snow! The snow and cold weather made it seem a little more like the holidays.

It was Small Business Saturday, so I walked downtown to find that Winslow had no power. There were a bunch of people, so most of the shops were open, just working with the sunlight shining through the windows and making sales the old fashion way.

I decided to take a trip over to Seattle and the waves were so big. The boat was swaying, and I was trying to breathe deep and not let the motion sickness get to me. I started walking downtown and looking in shops, but of course made it over to Pike Place, which was crowded. Santa was taking present orders, and carolers sang Christmas songs.

I snapped a picture of the beautiful sunset behind Pike Place.

My camera doesn't like to take pictures in the dark, but this was on the way back to Bainbridge while I was on the ferry. I have yet to be on the ferris wheel. I'll check it off soon though, don't you worry.

Seattle lights 'a shinin'

Part III: Seattle Space Needle + Chihuly Glass Museum

Below the Space Needle was the Chihuly Garden and Glass Museum. This was a beautiful view of both the extraordinary sculpture and the Space Needle | Photo by Kayla Schultz 

Blue skies. Sunny. Warm. What else can you ask for in a city known for rain? 

Although we did get rained on a bit when we spent the day in Seattle, the sun and blue skies were out for the most part. We struggled with the Light Rail system a little as we traveled to Pike Place Market, but after some help from a Seattlite, we were on our way. The rail took us through the city, giving a little tour. 

We met a few "interesting" people, one being a man from Michigan. Supposedly he is a triplet whose family is very well-known in the state. I had never heard of him. Another man started talking in our direction, only to be talking to himself...I think.

We found our way to the Space Needle, which has an interesting history. It was built for the Seattle World's Fair in 1962, and was designed by an artist that wanted the fair's centerpiece to be futuristic. The sketch became a reality, but with just 13 months until the opening of the World's Fair, there still wasn't a place for the landmark. They did end up finding a 120 ft x 120 ft piece of land, and started building. Keeping with the futuristic theme, the restaurant in the Space Needle turns 360 degrees and all of the paint on the structure has space names like Astronaut White.

The view from the top of the Space Needle was beautiful. As you can see from the photos, the water was sparkling, the buildings looked so small and wonderful from such a distance. There was a building below that was painted as if something had been dropped from the top of the Space Needle...a big splat mark! Even though the wind blew our hair viciously, it didn't stop us from soaking in the view. 

Just below the Space Needle was the Chihuly Garden and Glass Museum. The glass was just amazing. The artist, Dale Chihuly, was inspired by indigenous culture, the sea, and made extraordinary, colorful pieces of glass.

Take a look:

View from the Space Needle | Photo by Kayla Schultz

Seattle Space Needle | Photo by Roger Schultz

My mom and dad at the top of the Seattle Space Needle | Photo by Kayla Schultz

The big city of Seattle - beautiful day | Photo by Kayla Schultz

Hey, I'm pretty awkward, but this map shows my journey across the country | Photo by Diane Schultz

Dale Chihuly has been highly influenced by the indigenous culture | Photo by Kayla Schultz

Hanging glass sculpture | Photo by Kayla Schultz

Look at those paintings | Photo by Diane Schultz

Looks like raw gems - love it | Photo by Kayla Schultz