First poem officially in print

It's not #ThrowbackThursday, but I have something from a few months ago to share. While I was living on Bainbridge Island, I went to the local bookstore, searching around for local poets' writing on the shelves. One of the books I pulled was an assortment of poems that had won the Poetry Corner's Contest sponsored by the Bainbridge Island Arts & Humanity Council.

After buying the book, reading it from cover to cover, I looked the competition up online and found that they celebrated National Poetry Month (April) by publishing the chosen poems, having a live reading, and posting the poems in the windows of businesses on the island for people to read as they passed by by.

The theme for 2015 was "Peace" and when I looked through my poems, I couldn't find anything that directly related to that topic. I tend to write about challenges and moments of dramatic impact. Even though nothing seemed to fit the theme, I submitted three poems, not expecting anything except a rejection letter.

Forgetting that I had even submitted the poems, I logged into my email one day at YES! and read the word "congratulations" and my stomach sunk. I had never been published before, and when I saw which poem had won, I got a little nervous.

The poem that they chose is called "Bruises, Blood, Dust" and it follows a mother and daughter struggling in an abusive home. The reason my stomach was in knots when I saw this poem had won was because many people write from their personal experiences and sometimes I do too, but the scenario in the poem is far from anything I've ever experienced. 

I can't remember what sparked this poem, but I can still clearly see the image of the home I created in my mind and distress that ran through my veins as I described what the characters were going through. All I know is I felt the need to write about this topic.

Although I was unable to attend the live reading from the poetry collection, I did order a copy of the book -- my first published poem. Kind of exciting.

My poem was displayed at the Bainbridge Island library

Published in print. So crazy.

Bruises, Blood, Dust

             by Kayla Schultz

It sounds like a band, drumming

to the beat of skin against skin,

bone against flesh. The thump, thump

thumping of her falling to the dirty kitchen tile,

scrubbed weekly, never clean.

she is inhaling, exhaling calmly,

walking away with dry cheeks, purpled

the color of grape lollipops.

Sticky red dribbling from her nose,

tickling like strawberry juice running

down swollen cheeks. Her daughter’s

tiny arm clings to Raggedy Anne,

healed with hand-sewn patches

in the shape of hearts to cover the gashes.

Rising from the tile, mother and daughter

walk hand in hand out the screen door,

You’ll never get away with this, he yells,

pounding his fists against the porch railing,

watching dust from the dirt road

envelop them until they disappear. 

Wisdom comes from those who take risks

The skies were dark with rain clouds today, making it feel like 6 p.m. when it was only 3. My day had been chaotic when a vibrant spirit walked into the lobby of my newest place of work. This greying woman had wet droplets on her jacket from the rain and the smell of blooming lilacs wafted in behind her as she approached me at the front desk. Many of you probably don’t know, but I am back in Michigan for the summer working at the American Youth Foundation Miniwanca, a camp on the shore of Lake Michigan. My primary duty at the camp is to help run seasonal staffing and this woman had come to sign in as a part of the medical team.

After gathering a stack of paperwork for her to fill out, we moved to comfy leather chairs, and as she began to write, I started to make small talk. She told me she loved the rain and could easily live in Seattle. I told her I had just gotten back from Seattle and that I also loved the rain. She told me about the last few years she worked on the medical team at Camp Miniwanca, talking about how excited she was to again be part of a dynamic duo in East Camp.

Wrinkles grew deep as she smiled telling me stories from her time in Hawaii – her home for over a decade. She moved back to Michigan just two years ago with no car or apartment, just stayed at her sister’s house for a few days before voyaging over to Miniwanca for the summer with no previous work in camps and not knowing what to expect.

With each new detail from her life, I was more amazed by this woman in front of me. Before knowing anything about her life, I had stereotyped her. This 70-something year-old woman expanded and inspired me, but it was one simple phrase that resonated with me – “I like change. I enjoy being adventurous.” It was more than just the phrase though, it was a combination of how her voice lowered, her eyes lit up, how her age had not dampened her energy and spirit for doing what excited her. And also that she seemed to be voyaging on this journey of life solo. She was a strong woman that talked with vigor and life and in that moment, I was jealous of her vivacity.

I’ve been making changes to my life and thinking a lot about what I want my future to be. I have to admit, it can change depending on what I’m reading, hearing and learning. But when it comes down to it, there are a few things that I feel are building blocks to my happiness: travel, poetry, art, writing, and adventure. I have goals to see new parts of the world, experience new cultures, and read as much poetry as I can. If I had it my way, I’d travel around the world, reading local poets’ work, interviewing them and finding out what makes them write such beautiful lines. Is this what my future holds? I don’t know, but it’s fun to think about.

We’ll see where my passions take me, but it is nice to be reminded that life isn’t about doing the 9-5 grind, but creating a life that sustains that passionate, happy, vibrant feeling throughout the entirety of your life. 

"And to love life through labour is to be intimate with life's inmost secret." -Kahlil Gibran

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

To the artistic woman who always has designs running through her head, or can spot a treasure at a flea market in .2 seconds. To the woman who will listen even when it's in the middle of her favorite show on TV. To the woman who instilled the value of treating others kindly and with respect - and modestly says that's the reason why she won Homecoming Queen. To the woman who raised me and loves me despite my weird tendencies. I love you mom. I hope you've had a wonderful year.

Like mother, like daughter - I guess.

I must've gotten the traveling bug from both parents. My mom is on the far right (wearing the "kiss me" sombrero) and this pic was taken in Tijuana, Mexico. She moved out to California for awhile.

The fam.

The fam years earlier.

Mom and dad in Olympic National Park.

A new season, new household, new everything

 Easter is one of my favorite holidays. I can't really describe what makes it so special. Maybe because it feels like it's the gateway to Spring (my favorite season). Kids hunt for eggs beside tiny mounds of melting snow or behind the tiny green stalks burrowing out of the dirt. I like bunnies and pastels and jello eggs (jello poured into egg-shaped molds and a tradition in my household) and flowers and family.

This year, Easter was a day of transition and a reminder of what I'm getting myself into.

On Saturday, I planned on taking a few of my bags over to my new room. I wanted to prove my independence by transporting all my things myself, but quickly realized that it would be nearly impossible. I could do it, but it would take many trips on the ferry and bus to accomplish this task. I really didn't realize how much stuff I had and how heavy it would be until I packed it all up and tried to move it.

I thought I should pack up one back and bring it over to my room, so I filled my backpack with books and headed out to meet the house manager to get my keys. A few things went wrong though. I missed the ferry I was going to catch, the next ferry was late, then the manager asked if I'd rather meet her downtown in the International District. Not having a smartphone that can easily access a map, I had to ask for help from my parentals (2,000 miles away) for directions. After their valuable help, I did find the way, but after trekking up steep Seattle hills with a 50 lb backpack, I was beat.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to get on the bus and go all the way to my apartment, but finally decided to just do it. When I arrived, the roommates were surprised to see me. Little did I know, the house manager supposedly doesn't have very good communication with the tenants and didn't tell them I was moving in. It was awkward for them, awkward for me, awkward all around.

I sat down with one of them who was watching reruns of 90210, but after awhile decided to head back to Bainbridge. On the bus ride home, I asked Clo, the office manager at YES! and angel house mom, if she would be able to help my transport my stuff. Thank goodness she said yes.

So yesterday, Clo helped me move my stuff in the afternoon after she picked up the new graphics intern and showed her around the island. When I got to my new place, I unpacked a little and then ventured out to the store.

At the intern house, the rooms were furnished. They had towels, comforters, blankets, pillows - but not here. In Jas' words, I was going to have to "rough it," meaning buy an air mattress and live minimally but when I got to Target, they were closed because it was Easter. I would really have to "rough it." So much for loving Easter.

Heading back, I saw Walgreens was open, so I wandered in. I looked around a bit and went down the discount aisle. That's when I found it: an air mattress. Thank goodness I wouldn't have to sleep on the ground but when I got home, I realized that it didn't have a pump and I'd have to blow it up myself. So I put Grey's Anatomy on and puff after puff blew that mattress up.

By the end, I was ready for bed. It was 9 p.m.

It was kind of chilly so I put on some thick socks, a sweatshirt and long pants. After tossing and turning, shivering, and downright freezing, I got up. I rearranged my sleepwear so I was wearing leggings, two pairs of long pants, two pairs of thick socks, a long sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, zip-up, hoodie, hat, scarf, and gloves. You're thinking I'm crazy right now, aren't you? I literally think I'm crazy too. I half wonder if it was psychological because I was still tossing, turning and cold all night.

When I woke up, guess what I did. I went to Target and bought a comforter. Hopefully I'm not as cold tonight. Oh the joy of moving somewhere with just a suitcase.

On the bright side, I got an Easter box from my parents and grandma at the end of last week. It brightened my transition. They put together a box of ingredients for Apple Salad (aka Kayla Salad because it's my favorite) and other Easter goodies. Here are a few pics from the box.

Coconut flavored popcorn, a bag full of candy from my grandma, biscotti, trail mix, apple salad ingredients, Bella Grace Magazine - THANKS!

Candy, candy and more candy!

My mom always decorates the box with seasonal paper. Here's an up-close view with a bunch of Spring-ish words.

Throwback to 2001 when I was helping with Easter dinner by arranging jello eggs.

I just booked a ticket back home to Michigan...APRIL FOOLS!

Wait...I'm staying in Seattle? Yup.

It was getting down to the wire. I had to choose: a plane ticket or an apartment.

There were pros and cons to each. It's so much safer to go home where I can see my family, cuddle with my dog and sleep in my room. But then again, would I be able to find a job in my small town? Well, I would be applying to places everywhere and could move to that location when I got the job. But it's so much harder to get a job when you aren't in that city. I do have a couple of leads on jobs I want in Seattle, but who knows when they will get back to me?

I struggled to sort through my thoughts and asked a TON of people their advice. B told me to get an apartment and take a chance because if I go home I could get stuck. My grandma said maybe I should wait it out and see if any of these jobs come through. She reminded me that my mom went to California when she was young and it opened her eyes and fostered a lot of self-growth. MSM told me to come home and then quickly changed his mind and said I better stay because I always do the opposite of what he says.

It was such a difficult decision. And then I made up my mind. I called my dad up and said with vigor "I'm coming home, Dad!" Guess what he said. He said that I have some really good opportunities in Seattle. He told me he wanted me to be happy and that he knows that I really want a job and that it wouldn't hurt to stick it out here. He'd hate to see me fly all the way back to Michigan and get an offer and have to fly all the way back to Seattle. "Think it over," he said.

Thanks a lot, Dad. I'd already thought about it so hard, why'd he have to go and mix me up again? That night, my mind was still set on going home. I think I was also so ready to leave because I had been looking for a room to rent with hardly any luck. If I were going to stay, I needed to know I wasn't going to be homeless. Finally, some people finally responded to me and although this didn't change my mind about leaving, it made me breathe a little easier.

So Monday, I decided to take a look at a room so I took the ferry across Puget Sound, wandered around until I found the Pioneer Square station, rode the bus across town, and walked until I found the house I was looking for. In her car was the rental manager. She showed me around the house and it looked like these girls were young, welcoming, fun people. There was a well-stocked bookshelf, St. Patrick's Day decorations, a dry erase board with their names and pictures of what they did (one had a stethoscope, another a cocktail, etc.). I told the lady I'd think about it and took a stroll. The public library was across from the bus stop and had a gorgeous little nature area. Just steps from that was a mall and shopping area and after awhile, I started to think I could see myself there.

So yesterday, I decided to jump on the opportunity. Even today I called my dad again upset and wanting to come home, but he talked me through it. I'm not sure what will come of it, but I'm going to work my tail off to get where I want to be, whether I stay here or go home. But for now, I'm going to try it out. Sooooo please send good vibes my way and I'll try to send some back. xoxo

Books + Museum + Rainy Afternoon in Seattle

To be quite honest, I feel like I'm pushing forward without a sense of what my path is. My internship at YES! is ending next week, I haven't booked a plane ticket anywhere (even though my parents keep asking me what day I'm flying home), I don't have any arrangements to stay in Seattle, and no job.

One way to look at the situation is I'm in deep trouble. Another way to look at it is I have a lot of options.

I mean, not everything happening in my life is bad. I have a second interview on Friday for a recipe editor position at a new cookbook app. I should hear back about a job at the Society of Professional Journalists headquarters next week. Also, my bestie who is living in California keeps telling me I always have the option of staying with her for as little or as long as I want. Plus home is always awaiting me with open arms.

The thing is, I just want to pave my own way and jump into this crazy life head and heart first.

Anyway, onto other things, Sunday I decided to take a trip to Seattle. I have been dying to visit the iconic Elliot Bay Company and Frye Art Museum, so here's some pics from my trip:

I was exhausted, but happy, when I finally saw Frye Art Museum. I'm still a little intimidated by public transportation, so I walk everywhere. This was quite a trek in the rain - ten blocks uphill! And when I say uphill, let me just tell you that it was so steep that people holding onto the wall as they were descending because the rain had made it so slippery.

After about eight blocks and soaked from the rain, I called my daddy. Yes, I rely on my dad even when we're over 2,000 miles apart. He assured me that I was almost to the museum and I kept on with my journey.

Hello, Frye. Nice to finally see you. Bonus: this museum is always free.

I wasn't totally thrilled with the exhibit, but there were a few pieces that caught my eye. Caption: Rud[olf?] Gliesch. Plate 68, Omamentik der Gegenwart, 1905-6. Published by Verlag Christian Stoll, Plauen, Germany.

Aubrey Beardsley. British, 1872-98. Illustrations in Sir Thomas Malory, Le Morte D'Arthur. Published by William Dent & Son, London, 1894. Limited Edition, two-volume set, bound in ivory cloth with gold decoration.

Henri Heran (pseudonym of Paul Hermann). German, 1864-1940. Spielendes Meerweib (Frolicking Mermaid), n.d. Color wood and lithograph. Published in Pan III, no. 4, 1897.

This was part of the featured artist: Rodrigo Valenzuela. I didn't get the info on this particular piece, but it was a big room that was set up with these canvases. The atmosphere was very industrial. The rest of his exhibit was videos. One showcased African American men talking picking up trash at a stadium and talking about their lives. Another was a series of videos. The one that I watched told the story of men crossing the Mexico-U.S. border and the atrocities that happened to them.

Valenzuela's exhibition was by far my favorite that the museum had on display.

Need a bike? Rent one at one of these stations.

After I left the museum, I was on my way to Elliot Bay. Except for the fact that between 9th Street and 10th street there are probably five non-numbered streets. So needless to say, I got a bit confused.

And that's when I stumbled upon Seattle University. As I walked by, I saw a beautiful garden and decided I had to take a detour.

Everyone should have a Shakespeare garden!

The campus is just beautiful. I felt right at home and loved the mossy steps and flowering gardens.

After being lost in the city, taking a breather in nature was definitely needed.

The campus is trying to be zero waste. They're doing this by making it easy for students to recycle and compost. Did you know that there's an ordinance in Seattle against putting food in the garbage? That's pretty awesome, right?

The area around Frye Museum and the campus of Seattle University were beautiful, so when I turned down 10th Street and found it kind of dirty, I wasn't sure if I should proceed in the direction Elliot Bay was supposed to be. I kept on going and was so happy when I saw this sign. I made it!

Can I just live here?

There were four long shelves of poetry - and most of it contemporary poetry! I was in heaven. I found this gem of a book Dear Lil Wayne by Lauren Ireland.

And of course I couldn't resist the urge to buy some poetry books. I've been obsessed with Write Bloody Publishing for yearsss (was hell-bent on interning there before they stopped offering internships) and when I was watching Button Poetry videos, I found Sarah Kay. Since then, I've been watching video after video after video after video of Sarah's. As for the Zachary Schomburg book, I just couldn't put it down.

I'm tired. Here's what's on my mind today:

Let's talk about this over coffee and chocolate chip cookie. Photo taken on the ferry.

One of my favorite bloggers, Sydney over at the Daybook, once in awhile goes through a list of words and puts a little comment by each. I like that idea, so below are a bunch of words and the thought that came to mind when I read the word. The fun in it is that the exercise reveals something a little different every time it's done. But anyway, here ya go:

Making: an effort to look at my environment more and in a different way.
Cooking: stir fry is my new thing and it's delicious if I say so myself.
Drinking: lots of water. I'm trying to drink 3 liters of water everyday, which if  you haven't tried it, is a ton and hard to do.
Reading: Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman. I recently watched the movie for the first time, and the two are so different. Alice Hoffman wrote my favorite book (The Dovekeepers), so I had to read another.
Wanting: to get a job that I love.
Looking: at my future and wondering what it holds. Things seem so unresolved and unknown right now.
Playing: with the idea of staying in Seattle.
Wasting: time. I shouldn't be procrastinating, but it's so ingrained in my nature.
Sewing: words together into poetry. Well, trying to write more anyway.
Wishing: the intentions I've been sending were manifesting.
Enjoying: the beautiful sunny, spring weather. Today someone was actually mowing their lawn.
Waiting: ...
Liking: that tomorrow I can work from my bed.
Wondering: how different my life would be if I didn't require sleep.
Loving: the music that's been playing on Spotify (Benjamin Fracis Leftwich-Stole You Away, The Head and the Heart-Rivers and Roads, Elliott Smith-Between the Bars)
Hoping: the dinner I'm going to make for my roommate is going to turn out (her internship is over and she's leaving me *sad face*)
Marveling: at how fast time flies.
Needing: soulful conversation.
Smelling: the shampoo/conditioner from my wet hair.
Wearing: pajamas (stretchy pants and the Shelby t-shirt I got in 5th grade when I went to Greenfield Village with my class).
Giggling: is something I haven't genuinely done in awhile.
Following: dirt trails in the forest is exhilarating.
Bookmarking:  this because it's too darn cute and this because I can't resist poetry.
Opening: a store of my own creeps into my mind a lot.