10 Day Blog Challenge Concludes - Takeaways

This post is in response to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 10. 


For the last ten days, I have been participating in a blog challenge that focuses on how you can live a more free lifestyle. It is hosted by Natalie Sisson, an entrepreneur who has worked remotely, traveling the world, for many years.

Throughout the journey, I have dove into my fears of living a globetrotting lifestyle, realized some of the aspirations I've suppressed, dreamt up a day living that reality, created a possible routine, highlighted some of the most impressive women that I'd love to surround myself with, and took an adventure.

Which was my favorite challenge? Probably day 2, when I realized that quite a few occurrences in my life have come down to wanting to understand people of different circumstance or culture and making them relatable to others. My first encounter was when I was just a child, looking through a book filled with children from all over the world with their hobbies, families, homes, and lives described. Now that I'm older, I am still interested with those aspects of life, but even more interested in struggles and the raw parts of life.

My biggest takeaway from the challenge is that you can make whatever you want happen, as long as you focus on what makes you happy, have the drive, prepare a plan, give yourself a little adventure, and have a true passion. It's all about that passion and preparation, baby.

So what's my next step, you ask? I've been trying to figure that out for a month now. I'm going to keep my promise to dedicate at least 30 minutes a day to writing. I will also be amping up my brain power through classes on Skillshare. But most of all, I need to do some introspection and figure out how I can create a sustainable freedom lifestyle I love.

Imagine a Beautiful Destination, Can You Balance Work?

This is in response to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 9.

I sit in a coffee shop overlooking a mountain range. It looks so mystical, still in wilderness, but I know there's far too much nature crittering around for that to be the case. 

I pick up the wi-fi in this brick-walled shop, and as I type, answering an email from a client, I spot a moose. I gaze at it with wonder and am grateful for the digital job I have so that I can view scenes like this any time I want. And different scenes.

I will hike beside that moose in a few hours, after I have finished my work for the day. And maybe after a nice hot cup of spiced apple cider. It's fall, the most beautiful time of the year to hike. Colors will swirl around me as I venture up into the wild mountainside.

This is how a digital nomad life could be, if I were to pursue such an independent lifestyle.

Bookstore & Macarons on a Saturday in September

This is in response to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 8.


Today I took an adventure to a newly-opened bookstore. The owners had posted pictures throughout the building process, so the anticipation had been growing, especially after I had seen some of the bookish-loving things that would be for sale.

As I walked down the main street, I looked from left to right, wondering where it was. And then I saw Books & Mortar etched into the glass, and books arranged in the windowsill. A smile spread across my face and I started in that direction.

I walked in, looked at an assortment of vegan cookbooks, and knew I was in a bookstore I would love. I wandered more, looking through books on topics ranging from feminism to fiction. What impressed me even more was their assortment of social justice picture books for children. I have seen them online, but never in a store and have always thought that making children aware of social issues from a  young age could cause immense positive change. This place had it all.

Except one thing that I really thought they would have: POETRY.

Being an independent, hipster-ish bookstore made me assume they would have the one thing that I enjoy most. I was disappointed when I found a very small section (I have more in my collection than they had on the shelf), with mostly classic poetry (which I'm not really into). They had two contemporary poetry books, both of which I already own.

Overall, I was impressed. I found two books and a card to buy: Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit, We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and the card says "Happy Birthday to my favorite introvert. Hopefully everyone leaves you alone so you can enjoy it." that I got for my boss.

After adventuring through the bookstore, I indulged in macarons next door. Delicious! My favorite: pumpkin.

What benefits do you get from an adventure once in a while? A fun change of pace, the opportunity to learn something new, and the luxury of taking a breather after a week full of busy. Take an adventure, big or small.

Take action, even if it's imperfect

This post is in response to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Post Challenge Day 7.


If you're ever going to get anywhere, you need to start somewhere.

And you know horrifyingly funny image just popped into my head when I wrote that sentence? When my elderly journalism professor quoted Drake saying "I started from the bottom, now I'm here." Let me tell you, that memory still haunts me, but the saying is right on. You have to start from the bottom before you can grow and evolve into something bigger and better.

Don't let perfectionism cause procrastination.

I have to admit, I tend to get pulled into this behavior. But if I start small and incorporate one imperfect action into each day, I could see immense change in a short amount of time.

One action I could do every day that would bring me closer to my goals is take at least 30 minutes a day to write. I want to push for more, but 30 minutes is a good starting place that I know I can maneuver into my day.

If I were to have done this for the past year, I would have page upon page of content and ideas. I can only imagine what I will have in a year. The important part is to stay strong in the conviction to follow through with the task. This is truly something I want to do, so I should be amped and motivated every day to make this improvement.

Stay motivated, and take that first step. You'll see results as long as you stay true to your goals.

I Want to be All of You Combined: Four People Who Have Inspired Me

This blog post is in response to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 6.


When I think about the people that have opened my eyes to a freedom lifestyle, I think of four ladies. Not only are they rad travelers, but brave creatives. These women are: Shay Brown and Cassie Torrecillas, Christine Gilbert, and Megan Falley.

My introduction to living a traveling girlboss lifestyle started with Shay and Cassie of Bucketlist Bombshells. I gave more of a backstory in this post, but long story short, they work from their laptops giving them the ability to live anywhere at any time. This excited me and that's when I took their Work Online and Travel the World Course. I still haven't completed it fully, but I am chugging along every day.

What inspires me about Cassie and Shay is they had the courage to make the steps toward the life that they wanted: to travel around the world. I have always wanted this, but never thought it was possible because of the "typical" path to success: go to college, graduate, and get a job at a company. Not work for yourself like Cassie and Shay do. So they listened to their dreams, set out to Mexico, and started freelancing. They've traveled to Thailand, Bali, and so many other beautiful places.

As for Christine, she amazed me as I read her book Mother Tongue, where she told her story of jetsetting around the world with the goal to learn three major languages by immersing her family in each culture. Christine, her husband, and her son went to China, then to Beirut, and finally to Mexico where they studied Mandarin, Arabic, and Spanish. Each journey had its ups and downs, but my goodness, what an awesome experience!

Like I said in this post, I started studying Russian after two of my coworkers from Ukraine began teaching me basic words like thank you and please. To be honest, it's hard! Thinking of learning three languages seems overwhelming, but also extremely exciting. But like Christine, I have always had a pull to experience the culture of countries around the world. So Christine took the dream out of my head and lived it. But her doing it has showed me it's doable and with enough courage, I could do something similar.

And then there's Megan Falley, a powerful poet. I saw her perform last October and fell in love with the way she could illuminate problems in society and call them out on their bullshit. She is the author of Red Head and the Slaughter King and a few other books of poetry. After the reading last year, I was able to meet her. She told me about packing up her car in New York and traveling across the country performing in venues all the way to California. As a Write Bloody author, it is required to do 20 shows, but Megan decided to make a real trip of it. Lucky for me, she still enjoys it and I was able to experience what a difference she makes through her words.

Not only is she brave because of the topics she writes about in her poetry, but also with her ability to pick up and go for it - reading around the country. She is truly an inspiration for a poetry lover like me.

So what would I ask if I had one question for these four ladies? I honestly don't know. Maybe something as generic as What is your biggest piece of advice? or maybe something like What do you tell yourself to stay motivated when you're getting tired? or What was the biggest and most influential step you took to live the life you dreamed of?

How to push through and be productive

This blog post is in response to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 5.


What makes you most productive? For me, it starts with getting myself centered and grounded. If I am missing one or both of these, I tend to have a wandering mind that causes procrastination and lowers my productivity.

Today Natalie asked to set up a daily routine that would bring optimum productivity to your career or passion. Here's what I came up with --

• Start by doing a centering and grounding meditation
• Grab a cup of tea, glass of water, or something to stay hydrated
• Go to a place where you feel you will be most productive. Sometimes it's at your house, other times it is at a coffee shop. Feel what is right and do that
• Once settled, write down the intentions for the time period dedicated to the project
• Begin working, trying to stay away from distractions (social media, I'm talking about you)
• When feeling anxious or mind starts to wander, close eyes, take a deep breath, and let it out. Analyze if it can be pushed through or if a break is needed
• Take breaks when necessary. Don't overstretch because it will lead to burnout
• When time is up, or the tasks are done, pat yourself on the back and be proud of what you did and how you focused
• Celebrate these times dedicated to productivity, passion projects, and enhancement. They are pushing you toward your dreams!

Rev up that superpower

This blog post is in response to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 4.


Natalie had a hard question for today: What is your superpower?

My answer would have to be being an empath.

I didn't even know what the word meant a few years ago. For those who don't know, an empath is a person who takes on the emotions and energies of others. You intuitively feel what others are feeling and are unconsciously influenced by it.

So how did I learn about this? It all started when I decided I wanted a psychic reading when I was in California. She revealed that I was an empath, but she wasn't the only one. I was told again in Washington state, and once more in Michigan.

That's three spiritual people from separate parts of the U.S. saying the exact same thing, and I'm sure it will happen again.

With that information, I took it as a sign that I needed to understand what this meant. I am constantly learning, but I have come to understand the signs of overworking my superpower. Some include getting tired when I've been around a lot of people and having social anxiety. I understand my limitations and how meditation is like medicine (even though I need to do it more often).

But most of all, it now clicks why I can get a feeling and just know. It's interesting to look back at times that I intuitively felt a certain way and it turned out to be correct.

I think my superpower goes even further, though. Even though I am an introvert, I have been told that I have the ability to have deep, meaningful conversations, which supposedly isn't as common as I thought. But I do have a disclaimer to that statement. I can feel when someone is genuine and will have a perspective that will change my outlook on life. If I can tell that someone isn't going to open up, be raw, or will try to manipulate me, I will not waste my time. That's my superpower at work.

So if I were to live the freedom lifestyle that I imagined in day 3, I know I would use my superpower to shed light on those who would change the views of those who read, watch, or listen to the people I interviewed. My purpose is to help others and give them a new viewpoint on situations in the world - and I couldn't do that without my superpower.

A fulfilling day as of 2:00 p.m. 9/13/16

This blog post is in response to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 3. You can also view my prelude, and responses to day 1 and day 2.

Natalie's challenge for today was: visualize and write about a perfect day in detail. What do you do, see, smell? Here we go -

I wake up to the sun beaming through my window. I turn over and there's my guy, sleeping. I smile and can't help but give him a kiss on the cheek, which rustles him enough to wake him. He looks at me, smiles, and cuddles close. 

When I get up, I go to the refrigerator and pull out a lemon, cut it in half and squeeze the juice into a cup that I then fill with water. I take a few sips and walk into my meditation room. I sit on my yoga mat and do a few head rolls, hip rolls, shoulder lifts. I go through a centering and grounding meditation. I stretch my muscles and get ready for my daily kriya to start my day.

I take a shower, letting the warm water soothe the muscles I just stretched while doing yoga. 

Once I am dried off and dressed, I make myself a bowl of fruit and spend at least a half hour free writing. This lets me get my brain moving. I let whatever comes to mind be expressed. It could be something creative, something that revolves around work, or something personal.

When I get to a stopping point, I make a list of my intentions for the day. What do I need to accomplish for work today? Is there anything that others need from me today? What do I need to accomplish for myself today?

I have been interviewing a woman (this is part of what I discovered about freedom in day 2), and I will be talking to her again today. She lives just a few minutes away by foot, so I get my bag together with my laptop, camera, and notes, then head out.

When I knock on the door, she opens it like she couldn't wait to see me. We've grown close through the process, the interviews morphing more into conversations. She asks me if I want some tea and I agree. She pours me a cup and we catch up a little before she begins her day. I will be following her around, trying to be more in the background as an observer.

We go through her day. I record my observations, begin to write phrases that will morph into sentences describing how she lives her life. At the end of the session, we sit down for a discussion about her day. I have questions, I always have questions. I want to understand how her actions can be linked back to her experiences in the past. She tells me about her culture, her actions, and how she feels as a human. I listen, record, and analyze.

On my walk home, I wander to a garden full of blooming flowers. I sit down in the grass and take a deep breath. I let myself settle for a moment before I head the rest of the way home. 

When I get home, my guy is scooping ice cream into a bowl. He asks if I want some and I agree. I come close and he gives me a kiss. He hands me a bowl and we sit on the couch together. This is my favorite part of the day as we exchange what we are grateful for. He tells me about peak and pit (the highlight of his day and something that could've been better) and I do the same. These are the times that I cherish. 

After a bit, we settle into our evening routines. Maybe he watches TV, or reads, or works on something else. I either get some words on the page or read my newest book. We sit there, each doing our thing, but together.

** Note: I'm not sure I could ever imagine a "perfect day" because perfect days are usually the ones that happen out of nowhere and you look back and think how amazing it was. This was my version of an ordinary day that would fulfill me. I could've written about a jam-packed day of traveling around the world, sky diving, and much more, but that's not a sustainable vision. This is a day from where I'm sitting right now in this exact moment. Even after writing this, I feel like I could make one that suits me way better. I guess what I'm trying to say is, there are so many perfect day scenarios, and this is what came up today, but I could write all day about all the different scenarios that I would love and they would be just as valid.

Listen to your soul. It knows the way.

This blog post is in response to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 2. You can also view my prelude and response to day 1.

Freedom. What an interesting and complicated word to analyze. In this day in age, I sometimes get the sense that people view freedom as either having total freedom in all areas of their life or they have no freedom at all and are totally restricted. I've fallen into this mindset in terms of trying to find a career, finding a location to live and start a career, and in committing to relationships. 

This mindset has mutilated the true meaning of freedom and not served me on my journey toward the life that I want to live. 

I think the opposite of freedom is fear. You probably realized in my first response to the 10DFBC that I've realized fear tends to dominate my actions. I'm working on it, OK? If you're like me, our journey needs to be about catching those fears as they pop in our thoughts or out our mouth (usually in the form of excuses), take note of them, and try to analyze why they are burdening us.

I was looking around online for something relating to the word freedom, and I discovered a quote by Andrea Balt that really made me think: Freedom is not about the size of your cage or power of your wings or non-attachment to a person or thing. Freedom is about being so truly, madly, and deeply attached to your soul that you can't bear - if only for a moment - a life that doesn't honor it. 

Balt sums up what I've felt and known about freedom but couldn't put in my own words. It always comes down to soul. When I think about what would make my soul most happy, I think about seeing and experiencing cultures I have not before. The human condition and learning about the lives of others is what drew me to study both English and journalism. 

When I push all the restrictions of what people should or can do as society has set them, push the restrictions of money and fear of logistics aside, freedom to me looks like traveling and interacting with people around the world, learning their life stories and struggles. I would follow them around and see their normal day and share that with the world. I see so much truth and beauty in the normal lives of people and I think having others see it too would ground them.

It didn't hit me until right now that I was obsessed with a book as a child that probably planted the seed to write about the lives of ordinary people around the country. I loved DK books when I was younger, but I used to look at Children Just Like Me all the time. The book celebrates children from all over the world, telling about their families, what they eat, what types of homes they live in, their hobbies, and so much more. I would look at their pictures, read about them and it made me sit and wonder how people around the world can be so different, but yet just the same. 

Wow. Sometimes connections just hit you and leave you in awe. 

I was always drawn to this page the most. Funny thing is, I recently started studying Russian, which is where these two girls were from.

I wonder where these children are now.

What is holding you back from taking the leap?

Buddhist temple in Chaing Mai, Thailand. Photo taken by js42

This blog post is in response to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 1. To read a little backstory on my need to take this challenge, visit here.



The big question of the day is: what challenges are holding you back from making necessary changes so you can begin to live the life that will make you happy?

Like I mentioned in this post, when weighing decisions, fear and courage tend to come to a peak in equal measure for me. I have this drive to take a risk and do something adventurous, but then fear kicks in.

I'm the person that will say I just didn't have time or I'm just not sure if that's the right step for me right now, but those are just excuses for fear. Fear comes in many different outfits and I tend to listen instead of being confident in my abilities and aspirations.

Before you can take that step toward making the plunge into something radically different than your normal life, you should probably look at the fears you have so you can conquer them.

Here are three fears that hold me back when wanting to pursue a digital nomad lifestyle:

1. I won't be able to sustain myself
2. I don't have the right skill set to work digitally
3. Traveling alone 

One of my biggest fears has always been money. Even when I was a little girl, I remember looking at toys and wanting them, but not wanting my parents to spend the money on me. I would also look at my mom's checkbook when we were at the store, making sure we had enough money. 

Where did this come from? I have no idea. Maybe I heard my parents talking about money one day and it stuck, but I have always been anxious when it came to the topic. Naturally, this has haunted me in my adulthood, too.

When thinking about sustaining myself as a digital nomad, number two (not having the right skill set) also pops up. After graduating with an English degree, looking for a career has been difficult when there wasn't a specific job I was trained to do. I have skills, and I can use them in whatever way I see fit. I have had jobs in an office, food program, as a paraprofessional at an elementary school - all jobs that are location dependent.

When I think about working digitally, I wonder if I have the right skill set to work online. What I've come to realize is, I have skills that I could probably sustain myself with and that I'll never get there if I don't try. I recently started the Bucketlist Bombshells Tech Bundle and realized that I knew most of what they were teaching, which struck me with the reality that I have a good set of skills already. As I take more classes on Skillshare, I'll just enhance that spread.

Then there's the fear of traveling alone. 

I've always been an independent introvert, so you might guess that I would be just fine traveling alone, but sometimes I imagine how scary it could be. I think it comes down to how you view the situation though. Living a digital nomad life means that you can travel to the wonders of the world and have unbelievable experiences. What excites me the most about this lifestyle is that you are immersed in a new culture. The architecture, language, food, clothing, the experiences of the locals - there is so much to learn and explore.

One thing that I've realized since being a part of Bucketlist Bombshells is that there is a nomad community. Just visit NomadList and see all the people working digitally in countries around the world. There are groups to join, people to meet, and friends to make in this community, if only you make an effort and really commit yourself.

My goal is to find a community and really look inside myself and see if this is the best step for me. If it is, put everything in it. Stop letting fear creep in. Stop procrastinating.

Excuses are not enough

This post is a prelude to Natalie's 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 1.


Around this time two years ago, I had just moved clear across the country - from Michigan to Washington state - to begin the life I had dreamed of for years. I began as an intern at YES! Magazine, a non-profit publication whose goal is to inform people on issues and then give them practical action steps on how to make a difference in society.

I loved my co-workers, the environment, Bainbridge Island, the short ferry ride to Seattle, how the articles I wrote seemingly made a difference to the readers, and the new independence I felt living in city that had so much to explore. I learned a tremendous amount, met interesting people with unique perspectives, and experienced so many new things.

When the internship came to an end though, I wasn't sure what to do. Like always, fear and courage came together at a peak, each bringing seemingly valid points to the argument of to stay or leave Seattle.

I ended up deciding to stay. I found a room to rent and started looking for a job, but those fears I mentioned earlier kept creeping back into my mind. I looked and looked for a job, but kept getting discouraged. Every day I became more stressed about sustaining myself. I applied at the Target within walking distance of my house, but they even denied me. This dream life of mine was becoming less and less visible.

I ended up buying a ticket home.

I felt like I had failed, I felt ashamed that I couldn't make it work, and I was embarrassed that I let fear swoop in.

After a few months home, I came across an article that brought the life back in my eyes. It featured Shay Brown and Cassie Torrecillas of Bucketlist Bombshells talking about their new Work Online and Travel the World Course. They had decided to drop the 9-5 routine and embark on a digital nomad lifestyle where they would travel around the world working from their laptops. This was my first introduction to this type of lifestyle and, let me tell you, I was hooked.

But that initial inspiration slowly dissipated as obligations arose and those full days of work left me tired. I didn't finish the course, but kept saying I would make time for it.

A year later, Cassie and Shay start promoting their next round of the course. I thought it was the perfect time to get back in the saddle and begin the course again. I began, but yet again, haven't finished. Oh how those excuses pile up.

When I look at my life, there seems to be so many avenues that I could and want to go down. There's the dream to travel the world, working from my laptop in villages awaiting exploration and experience. There's the dream of living in Seattle, working at a publication. There's the dream of being an author and writing something that will mean something to someone. There's the dream of opening a boutique and selling beautiful things. There's the dream of creating parties that will give people memories for a lifetime. There's so much I want to do, yet the thought of that is so overwhelming that it can cause me to procrastinate and make no progress down any of the avenues. Not good.

The ultimate question is: what will make me happy?
But the question I need to analyze first is: what challenges are holding me back from making necessary changes so I can begin to live the life that will make me happy?

And that is what I'll conquer in my next post [view it here]

sitting in a bookstore + searching for jobs, purpose

Making: My own beauty supplies is fun. Hopefully they work #chemicalfreelife

Cooking: With others makes everything better

Drinking: Chai Frap

Reading: It's All About Love by Bell Hooks

 
Wanting: To find a job for after my job ends at the school asap

Looking: For that perfect job that combines my passions

Playing: Audioslave this morning was a good idea

Wasting: I feel like I'm always wasting time, never getting enough done

Sewing: Together words verbally can really be difficult for me sometimes 

Wishing: My life was just planned out to exactly what I want and need. It would be so much easier

Enjoying: The warm weather. Come on Spring

Waiting: For the flowers to bloom

Liking: The turquoise nail polish I'm rocking.

Wondering: How many books I have on my bookshelf, but have not read

Loving: Being able to sit on my front porch when the sun is shining

Hoping: To realize my soul's purpose

Marveling: At how fragile life is

Needing: To make the steps to move forward with my life and accomplish my goals

Smelling: Cinna-something

Wearing: My CMU sweatshirt #represent

Following: Travel bloggers on social media

Noticing: That life passes you by if you don't embrace and live it while you can

Knowing: That decisions need to be made before June

Thinking: I don't want my birthday to come in a few weeks

Feeling: Anxious

Bookmarking: So many books of poetry I want to read

Opening: My email and seeing how many are unopened is like nails on a chalkboard

Giggling: Has been coming much more often lately, and I am very thankful

here comes peter cottontail

"Here comes Peter Cottontail hopping down the bunny trail, hippity hoppity Easter's on it's way," I sang as I peeled off egg shells for deviled eggs. My mom joined in, and I'm pretty sure our dog went in the other room to get away from our out-of-tune voices.

Although I am not very religious, I appreciate that Easter is a holiday that symbolizes rebirth. With Spring bringing the grass back to life and aiding the flowers in blooming, I can't help but love the season. It doesn't hurt that my birthday is in Spring, too.

Although we had an ice storm just a few days ago, the temperatures rose just in time for Easter, melting the snow, and bringing sun for our family dinner today. My mom set the table with pink dishes, white milk glasses, and Easter decorations to pull off another beautiful get together.

Last night, my mom and I sat around the kitchen table writing names on eggs with a wax crayon and dipping them into dye. As an extra touch, she bought egg holders that were glazed in pastel colors and shaped like tulips. These served as placemarks for the guests, which pulled the whole table together.

Along with the table setting, she decorated the house with bunnies, chicks, flowers, and more. Take a look at what our Easter entailed and I hope you had a wonderful day yourself.

Old children's books that feature bunnies and ducklings.

A little stuffed carrot bundle.

Left: It's hard to find tins anywhere these days, but we have a Paas Dye Company one that will be an antique at some point. Right: Pink plate on pink plate + egg place setting. 

Easter bunnies taking a break -- Easter Greetings!

We even have Easter salt and pepper shakers.

Bowl of wooden eggs.

Ham, fruit salad, olives and pickles -- just the start.

Our feast #mouthwatering

 

Deviled eggs are delish.

Bunny in a cabbage water pitcher.

My favorite brother, Colton. I love him so.

My dad and I.

Easter flowers, yo.

9 years since my grandma passed

We sat around the hospital bed in my grandma's house, my family's arms or legs or shoulders touching as we watched the slow breaths rise and fall from her chest. She looked small, skinny, fragile, her cancerous body lying under the thick covers.

I had rushed out of class, leaving homework in my locker when my dad called saying we needed to drive to my grandma's house to say our last goodbyes. We knew she would pass soon, the cancer she had fought for three years was taking a toll on her strength and memory.

When first diagnosed with oral cancer in Florida, I was young and ignorant about what it was. My grandma went to Florida every winter, but this time she hadn't come back because she had gotten sick, my parents told me. She was always a fighter, so I had no doubts she would come back soon enough. But as time progressed, she got so ill that the doctors were weary if she would make it, and my family made the decision to fly her back to Michigan in a medical helicopter so she could spend her days around people that loved her. 

When she arrived, she was nothing like the grandma I knew. The cancer, chemo, and radiation had taken her hope. Her face was burnt, covered in dried blood, and she was skin and bones. My aunt, a nurse, became her caretaker, and as time progressed and much work, she regained strength and ability. I think a lot of this improvement came from being around her family. Never underestimate being around people you love and that love you.

With my grandma  having oral cancer, the radiation was done on her jawline, making it hard to communicate verbally. It was painful and when she did try to talk, it was hard to understand. As a 14-year-old, I tried to understand the words, saying back what I thought she had said, but I knew I wasn't getting it right. She looked frustrated, I felt bad, but I looked into her eyes and I could feel the love she was sending my way non-verbally and I was grateful.

Those moments of eyes-locked, silent interaction are one of the most meaningful moments and I will never forget the ones with my grandma.

As my family surrounded her bed, eyes bloodshot from tears, we touched her spot-aged hands to feel the warmth for the last time. My mom's leg started bouncing uncontrollably from the uncomfortable impact of the moment and I watched it shake the bed slightly. In that moment I was mad at her for this, the last moments of my grandma's life distracted by a constant bounce. I touched her leg and she slowed, the tears on the edge of her eyes. This bounce was her coping mechanism.

My dad took his mother's wrist in his hand as my aunt told my grandma it was OK to go towards the white light, that we were OK. She shut the breathing machine off and she said it again gently. My dad felt as her pulse slowed and stopped. We watched as the last exhale left her body 9 years ago today.

As I was thinking of her throughout the day, I began making a mental list of things that I remember about her. I was 16-years-old when she passed, so the way I looked at moments was juvenile and different than I would today, but these are some of the things I thought of 

-pearly pink nails

-gardening

-lipstick

-coffee

-4th of July parties

-peanut butter cereal bars

-classical music

-the one time I spent the night at her house

-those pesky deer eating her garden

-snow bird

-the Samantha American Girl doll she got me for Christmas

-bird clock that tweeted every hour

-flower embroidered sweatshirts

-sitting around her kitchen table talking

-her stack of crafts and novels on her kitchen table

-her stubborness

-her strength

-telling me that she was glad I didn't wear a lot of makeup because I looked beautiful naturally

-always trying to teach me something, whether it be personally or with a science kit for my birthday

-so excited to give me clothes she found at a yard sale

-when she came to my cheer competition even though she was weak and ill

-visiting her in Florida and picking grapefruit every morning

...just to name a few. Miss and love her forever.

St. Paddy's Day Lunch

Did you wear green on St. Patrick's Day? If  you didn't, did you get pinched? 

For many, wearing green is the extent of their dedication to the holiday. For others, it's a day to get drunk on green beer. For my mom, it's a day to decorate, cook Irish food, and gather around the table. 

It can be a lot of work putting a themed lunch together between choosing a menu, buying the ingredients, making the food, and decorating, but she loves it. A few weekends ago, she went antique shopping with my grandma and picked up a set of dishes with an intricate green design just for the party. She came home itching to show me the find that would bring the whole lunch together.

After searching the internet for what type of foods she would make, she settled on beef stew, soda bread, and coleslaw. She couldn't decide on an Irish dessert, so my grandma made no-bake cookies. Although not Irish, you can never go bad with no-bakes. The meal truly was delicious.

An antique find

Singing leprechaun figurine sitting on a pot of gold

A peak at the green decorations 

Do you decorate the bathroom for holidays, too? These shamrocks are hanging from the shower curtain 

Homemade beef stew with huge chunks of meat and potatoes

Yum

Soda bread + coleslaw

And next week -- Easter. Now we have to disassemble St. Paddy's Day decorations and get out the bunnies and baby chicks.

note to self: giggle more

Making: plans to take over the world muahahaha. Or maybe just travel the world.

Cooking: sweet potato enchiladas for dinner #yum

Drinking: Mountain Dew. It's so bad for me.

Reading : "You're Not You" Michelle Wildgen #mustread

Wanting: to find a job that I love in a place that I love.

Looking: for a new poet to get obsessed with.

Playing: Spanish lessons on Spotify. I want to be able to speak it better.

Wasting: money on stupid stuff when I should be saving every penny. 

Wishing: it were Spring already.

Enjoying: The Magicians on Syfy. It's my new fav show.

Waiting: to get brave enough to take those big risks I want to take.

Liking: how much I've been reading lately. It's relaxing and opens my mind.

Wondering: if I'll ever be a functioning adult.

Loving: Flow Magazine.

Hoping: to get back into running when the weather starts cooperating.

Marveling: at the power of being around your friends. This weekend was much needed.

Needing: sun. So sick of the winter blues.

Wearing: a blue vintage 70's dress that I purchased at Goodwill #whatasteal

Following: up on plans I set is so hard for a procrastinator.

Noticing: how fast time flies. Being back in Mt. Pleasant this past weekend reminded me of how happy I was there and how many amazing people I was surrounded by --and that was two years ago #crazy

Knowing: that nothing is certain. 

Thinking: about the many lives I could have. About how many lives I won't live, but I will live one.

Feeling: anxious, antsy, ready for anything but snow.

Bookmarking: "5 Ways Parents Slut-Shame Their Kids, And Why It Matters" featured on Bustle.

Opening: a book is the best feeling.

Giggling: doesn't always happen enough, but it really is the best.

muskegon museum of art with the bestie

On Thursdays at the Muskegon Museum of Art, there is free admission in the evening hosted by Meijer. I had been cooped up for awhile, so I decided to take a drive to check out the new exhibits and visit with my bestie. The picture above was part of the Postcard Salon.

One of the other exhibits featured the work of Bryan Collier, a beautiful illustrator. I, Too, America: The Art of Bryan Collier featured spreads from his book illustrated to the words of Langston Hughes. Not only were they beautiful, but they were multi-dimensional pieces of thought-provoking images. The art will be displayed until April 17, celebrating Black History Month and March is Reading Month. Collier has so many awards to his name (not surprised!), so if you're interested in more history, check out this page.

The other exhibit is called Common Ground, a collected work of African American artists from the 19th century to now. The exhibit displays sculptures, photographs, paintings and drawings that show culture, social and political issues, identity, and more. Through the art, you can feel the 200 year history being explained through lens, paintbrush, and sculpture.

Of course I loved exploring the museum and seeing the art, but I also enjoyed hanging out with my best friend, Jasmine. Although we only live 30 minutes from each other, we don't see each other as much as we should. It was a blessing to have two of my favorite things together for a night.

Part of the I, Too, Am America exhibit with illustrations by Bryan Collier.I love how Collier has an image, but always has the flag incorporated as well. In this one, the stripes are flowing down across his face.

This is the book written by Bryan Collier.

Jasmine looking intently at one of the pictures in Collier's exhibit.

Mother and son riding on the train (I think it was a train, but it could be a different type of transportation).

An up-close view of how the pictures are pieced together. The images are cut and glued together to bring a multi-dimensional facet.

The museum had a cash bar where I got a glass of red wine. Also, a cheese and crackers spread from The Cheese Lady. It was delicious - The Cheese Lady always knows the right pairings. Yum.

This painting was part of the permanent collection, but it was one of the most intricate and beautiful pieces I saw. It is called Chain Gain Picking Cotton #2 by Winfred Rembert. It is made of dye on carved and tooled leather.

Art lovin' despite the look on my face.

We can relate to this quote, can't we? This was part of the Postcard Salon.

Wall of postcards.

This definitely speaks to me, being a lover of both poetry and nature. They are what keeps me grounded and sane.

Devastating and breathtaking oil and pencil drawing in the Common Ground exhibit. This piece was done by Charles White and is called Wanted Poster Series #17. White had been looking at wanted posters for runaway slaves, which inspired this piece of art. On the left side, names are written.

I love this sculpture and it's stance. It is called Maquette for Noah's Ark: Sophisticated Lady by Charles McGee. It is made of steel and enamel.

This piece is Love Letter, also by Charles White. This one grabbed my attention right away. I love the collage feel, the portrait, abstractness, and rose. It impacts with its simplicity.

This Ernest C. Withers photograph is called Daddy, I Want to Be Free Too. It's part of the Political and Social Expressions section of the Common Ground  exhibit.