note to self: giggle more

Making: plans to take over the world muahahaha. Or maybe just travel the world.

Cooking: sweet potato enchiladas for dinner #yum

Drinking: Mountain Dew. It's so bad for me.

Reading : "You're Not You" Michelle Wildgen #mustread

Wanting: to find a job that I love in a place that I love.

Looking: for a new poet to get obsessed with.

Playing: Spanish lessons on Spotify. I want to be able to speak it better.

Wasting: money on stupid stuff when I should be saving every penny. 

Wishing: it were Spring already.

Enjoying: The Magicians on Syfy. It's my new fav show.

Waiting: to get brave enough to take those big risks I want to take.

Liking: how much I've been reading lately. It's relaxing and opens my mind.

Wondering: if I'll ever be a functioning adult.

Loving: Flow Magazine.

Hoping: to get back into running when the weather starts cooperating.

Marveling: at the power of being around your friends. This weekend was much needed.

Needing: sun. So sick of the winter blues.

Wearing: a blue vintage 70's dress that I purchased at Goodwill #whatasteal

Following: up on plans I set is so hard for a procrastinator.

Noticing: how fast time flies. Being back in Mt. Pleasant this past weekend reminded me of how happy I was there and how many amazing people I was surrounded by --and that was two years ago #crazy

Knowing: that nothing is certain. 

Thinking: about the many lives I could have. About how many lives I won't live, but I will live one.

Feeling: anxious, antsy, ready for anything but snow.

Bookmarking: "5 Ways Parents Slut-Shame Their Kids, And Why It Matters" featured on Bustle.

Opening: a book is the best feeling.

Giggling: doesn't always happen enough, but it really is the best.

muskegon museum of art with the bestie

On Thursdays at the Muskegon Museum of Art, there is free admission in the evening hosted by Meijer. I had been cooped up for awhile, so I decided to take a drive to check out the new exhibits and visit with my bestie. The picture above was part of the Postcard Salon.

One of the other exhibits featured the work of Bryan Collier, a beautiful illustrator. I, Too, America: The Art of Bryan Collier featured spreads from his book illustrated to the words of Langston Hughes. Not only were they beautiful, but they were multi-dimensional pieces of thought-provoking images. The art will be displayed until April 17, celebrating Black History Month and March is Reading Month. Collier has so many awards to his name (not surprised!), so if you're interested in more history, check out this page.

The other exhibit is called Common Ground, a collected work of African American artists from the 19th century to now. The exhibit displays sculptures, photographs, paintings and drawings that show culture, social and political issues, identity, and more. Through the art, you can feel the 200 year history being explained through lens, paintbrush, and sculpture.

Of course I loved exploring the museum and seeing the art, but I also enjoyed hanging out with my best friend, Jasmine. Although we only live 30 minutes from each other, we don't see each other as much as we should. It was a blessing to have two of my favorite things together for a night.

Part of the I, Too, Am America exhibit with illustrations by Bryan Collier.I love how Collier has an image, but always has the flag incorporated as well. In this one, the stripes are flowing down across his face.

This is the book written by Bryan Collier.

Jasmine looking intently at one of the pictures in Collier's exhibit.

Mother and son riding on the train (I think it was a train, but it could be a different type of transportation).

An up-close view of how the pictures are pieced together. The images are cut and glued together to bring a multi-dimensional facet.

The museum had a cash bar where I got a glass of red wine. Also, a cheese and crackers spread from The Cheese Lady. It was delicious - The Cheese Lady always knows the right pairings. Yum.

This painting was part of the permanent collection, but it was one of the most intricate and beautiful pieces I saw. It is called Chain Gain Picking Cotton #2 by Winfred Rembert. It is made of dye on carved and tooled leather.

Art lovin' despite the look on my face.

We can relate to this quote, can't we? This was part of the Postcard Salon.

Wall of postcards.

This definitely speaks to me, being a lover of both poetry and nature. They are what keeps me grounded and sane.

Devastating and breathtaking oil and pencil drawing in the Common Ground exhibit. This piece was done by Charles White and is called Wanted Poster Series #17. White had been looking at wanted posters for runaway slaves, which inspired this piece of art. On the left side, names are written.

I love this sculpture and it's stance. It is called Maquette for Noah's Ark: Sophisticated Lady by Charles McGee. It is made of steel and enamel.

This piece is Love Letter, also by Charles White. This one grabbed my attention right away. I love the collage feel, the portrait, abstractness, and rose. It impacts with its simplicity.

This Ernest C. Withers photograph is called Daddy, I Want to Be Free Too. It's part of the Political and Social Expressions section of the Common Ground  exhibit.

grappling with the weight of life

This life.

Sometimes I just don't know what to do with It. Or maybe, I just don't know what to do with myself within it. And sometimes I wonder when my life is going to click into place. If ever.

I believe in the power of thoughts and intentions. With that in mind, I can't seem to find the strength to put positive energy into the things that I want to have and accomplish. I'm stuck in a blah bubble and have been here for such a long time - probably about a year now. I have had ups where I am motivated and passionate, but they soon fade, and I don't know how to make them permanent.

I think a lot of people go through this. I'm not alone in this feeling, right?

It might have something to do with not knowing what I want. It also could have something to do with being scared. Maybe not knowing how to maneuver through to my goals. I loved living in places where inspiration came from just a short walk or small talk with a stranger. Living in cities gave me an expansive imagination, showing me what I could have. Here in this small wintery town, there's little to be inspired by. I tend to spend my days alone and I think it's draining me of my essence.

Being 25 years-old, I'm at the age where wanting a partner is starting to float into my thoughts with gumption. It's a weird feeling because I still feel young, wanting to venture to new places and experience the world, but I also want a family. I know having a family doesn't mean that traveling isn't an option. I see stories about the most adorable families traveling, but the realist in me knows that only few can actually do that between stationary jobs, expenses, and life. I mean, I can hardly take care of myself, how do I expect to take care of a family and travel on top of that?


I grapple with what it's like to be an adult, be the person I want to be, and finding a path that will make me happy. Life is a sticky mess right now and I don't have answers or solutions for those who are in the same boat. I guess it's just a day-by-day journey to finding a happy state of mind - and life. If you're also struggling, maybe we could join forces and find motivation together. Get in touch.

Selah.

two snow days in a row + winter wonderland

If you're a West Michigander, you are probably quite aware that the January snow has arrived. From shoveling to snow plowing to slipping on those white-covered roads, winter is here. For awhile there, I thought we might not get any snow but I was definitely mistaken.

I'm sure the local children started jumping up and down and wailing when they discovered that school was cancelled Tuesday and today, but when I got the memo, I was unfortunately not as excited. I remember as a child watching the news station flip through the cancellations, crossing my fingers and toes in hopes that we had a snow day. As an hourly employee at the school now, I was a little disappointed. I actually enjoy working with the students everyday, hearing their extravagant stories, and watching them grow.

So, for the last two days, I have been bundled up, trying to keep myself busy as the wind blows outside my window. Who knows if we'll have a third snow day tomorrow but for once, I hope we do because my dad will be having surgery on his back tomorrow and I wish I could be there for him. We shall see.

I did venture into the cold abyss to capture the beauty of freshly fallen snow with my free time. Sadie, my black lab shepherd mix, loves to dive into the fluff. She is adorable with all those flakes on her black fur.

snowflakes a' fallin'

snow looks so beautiful perked on the branches

i borrowed my mom's boots and i definitely got some snow in my socks

sadie looks like she's stalking something

the boughs were sagging with all that snow hanging on them

 close your eyes, let the snowflakes fall on your face, experience winter firsthand

Look in the globe, what do you see?

Making: a lot of mistakes, always. that's how you learn, right?

Cooking: up some poems. trying really hard to write everyday.

Drinking: too much pop. i was a kombucha addict, but let my healthy ways go by the wayside unfortunately.

Reading: Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Wanting: to get myself together and start the projects i've been thinking about.

Looking: for inspiration.

Playing: marina and the diamonds. heard of them? i love the acoustic versions. currently listening to "lies."

Wasting: energy on things that don't matter. i need redirection.

Sewing: hasn't happened in awhile. i want to sew a vintage dress for myself.

Wishing: my year will be like Pam from The Lucky Mermaid says it will - aries/sun sign - capricorn/rising sign.

 
Enjoying: enjoyed reading Happinez Magazine.

Waiting: for the planets to align.

Liking: watching YouTube videos, especially spoken-word poetry.

Wondering: what my year has in store.

Loving: the beautiful himilayan sea salt lamp my dad got for me.

Hoping: i can finish some poems. i start a lot of them, or write down interesting lines, but never get one finished.

Marveling: at how slow days move, but then again how fast time goes by.

Needing: purpose.

Smelling: the detergent from my sweatshirt.

Wearing: long johns and an oversized sweatshirt.

Following: my intuition as much as i can.

Noticing: that being an adult isn't as fun as i thought it would be when i was a kid.

Knowing: nothing. questioning everything.

Thinking: about this quote - "those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait and wait without anxiety" -Gabrielle Bernstein.

Feeling: good about going back to work tomorrow, but then again i hope i don't get sick from all the children.

Bookmarking: this. it's hilarious ways to answer the question "where do you see yourself in five years."

Opening: my eyes in the morning is hard. i love my sleep. 

Giggling: is the best. the last time i did was probably because of my dog.

2015 || a year of questions

Looking back at the year in comparison to 2014, I couldn't help but feel like what was the point of 2015? But then I came across a quote that seemed to put it all in perspective:

"There are years that ask questions, and there are years that answer." -Zora Neale Hurston

After reading this quote, I realized that although things didn't always turn out the way I wanted them to, there was still a point to the year. 2015 was a year of questions that I didn't know the answers to. I asked and asked and asked and am still asking with seemingly no response, but I think it's important to stop obsessing over receiving the answer right now and allowing the questions to just be. The answers will come, I just have to wait and keep the door open for receiving. 

Knowing I have been stubborn and probably hard on myself, I took a look through my photos from the year, and it reminded me of the good memories I had in the last 12 months. So here it goes ---

I lived in Washington state on the beautiful Bainbridge Island. I would walk down to the pebbly beach and watch the ferry glide in, then take off to Seattle. I was grateful for a warm, snowless winter in the Pacific Northwest.

I worked with some of the most passionate, humble, loving people I've known. I don't have pictures of all the people I love from YES!, but here are a few. Top left: Miles who made me watch wrestling, but only after watching the Bachelor with me. Top right: Erin who brought out the sassy in me and always had my articles looking their best. Bottom left: Mary and James. Mary was my girl from the day I moved into the YES house. We spent nights at the Alehouse, traveled over to Seattle, and had conversations about life <3 her dearly. James always gave me a new way to look at issues I was writing about and gave me the boost to dig deep. Bottom right: Morgan who brought her bubbly personality and wonderful insights into any conversation. 

Missing: Christa who believed in my voice and did everything with love and compassion. Jim who was the sweetest and kindest person (plus always brought home bread). Susan who gave the best advice and always gave a helping hand. Natasha who was such a beautiful artist and kicked butt on our hike. Peter who I wish I had gotten to know more, but was not only a caring individual but also a fiction writer! There were so many others I was grateful to work with day and day out.

Other notable things I did with my YES folks: had wonderful family dinners, watched the Super Bowl (Seattle Seahawks vs New England Patriots) in a Seattle bar that was only standing room. It was so sad to see the Seahawks lose and in the way that they did. We worked at the HUB, chilled in the beer garden, debated where solutions journalism was going and what part we had in the process, spent a few days in a beach house and singing by a fire in the rain, and eating deep dish pizza while talking about the effect of global warming.

I adventured around Seattle alone. I went to the Frye Museum of Art, Elliot Bay Book Co., wandered the streets, got lost, got rained on, found cool things, and explored. It really felt empowering to be able to just walk and find new things everywhere I looked.

I learned how awesome hackerspaces and makerspaces are after talking to the Seattle Attic, FemHack, Hacker Gals, and a few others. This is the first time I saw direct change and action being made from an article I wrote. I still haven't visited Hacker Gals, but I really want to in the near future. Stacy, the founder, is such a sweet person and I want to get an update on what they're doing.

In the second part of the internship, I really started to love the topics I was writing about, like the hackerspaces one, the article about hip-hop artist Jasiri X and how he is bringing awareness about social justice through his music (and literally got so starstruck, like heart beating extra fast, falling in love type of feelings when watching his videos), and the article about breweries turning to sustainable methods to help stop global warming (I also liked talking to Rick Williams about restorative justice, but that was in December 2014 so it doesn't count).

I learned so much, talked to some amazing people, got frustrated a few times, but enjoyed being a part of bringing positive news to the public. Go solutions journalism!

One of my favorite places to be - always - Intentional Table. I walked into the studio, really shy, and walked out with a job helping the food and wine studio with social media. Not only did I learn a lot about food, but I learned a lot about life from the owner and my second mom, Zoe. She is the most inspirational, go-getter, loving person I know. Every single day I spent with her was amazing and her presence always put me in a better mood. 

I also met some other wonderful people at Intentional Table including Heather, Abby, Marsha, and Carla. They are the sweetest.

But, wait. Let's step back a moment and look at the things that didn't go so well. I felt lost, not knowing where I should go and what I should do with my life. I loved the things I was doing at YES, but it was hard, time consuming, and I didn't know if I could get a job doing something like this. My dad had health issues, which pulled me to want to go home.

I ended up deciding to stay in Seattle. Got a room in a house with five other girls. The landlord didn't even tell them that I was moving in, so when I got there with all my things, they looked shocked that a random person was bringing all their stuff inside. I felt alone, isolated, couldn't find a job. The room I was in had basically no heat. I enjoyed going to the library, so that was a plus.

With my dad being sick and me not feeling happy and having a hard time finding a job, I got a plane ticket home to Michigan. 

I felt happy to be home, but also like a failure. I got a job working at Camp Miniwanca, which brought me a lot of joy and a little bit of office drama. I still felt like I wasn't living up to what I should've been. 

I had my first poem published in print! Besides being published, it was also displayed in the Bainbridge Island Public Library lobby. Read about it here.

I spent a bunch of time with this guy. Baked pies, went to a birthday party, spent a day with his family kayaking down a river (so much fun, but he had to rescue me a million times...oops), watched hours of Game of Thrones and Grey's Anatomy, made jar salads, introduced him to a scoby (hilarious!), went on a Stony Lake boat tour and a bunch of other things #alwaysmybestfriend #lovehimtopieces - side note: one of these pics is a throwback from years ago - can you guess it?

Had such a blast at the Speak Like A Girl show featuring Megan Falley and Olivia Gatwood. They are kick ass women that talk about rape culture, social norms, feminism and a lot of other topics, but in a way that knocks your socks off. Highly recommend watching their videos, buying their books, and watching them live. I also got to listen to the Sharon Olds! I went with one of my best friends and ran into another friend from high school. He got us into the after party, where we got to have conversation with these fierce women. It was an amazing night.

Had a Yarwood family reunion! I hadn't seen these cousins in such a long time - some of them I had never even met. I also joined in on a sand dune ride at Silver Lake. Even though I've lived 10 minutes from the lake my entire life, I had never been in a dune buggy. It was realllllly bumpy!

And spent some time with my girls! We went out for Halloween. Jasmine and Lauren were 70s glam girls and I was a robber. I never get to see my G11 gals enough, but I surprised them and visited on my birthday HA! They had invited me to a party and didn't know it was my birthday, but how better could I have spent it? Had such a great time and I listened to a bunch of (actually) really good karaoke.

Here comes 2016, let's give it all we've got and more.

♥ Kay

Poem from the Mitten

Poetry time! As you might know, I love poetry and therefore I'd like to share a poem from the book "How the Losers Love What's Lost." I read this book by Patrick Ryan Frank last year and have dog-eared pages galore. On top of his wonderful poetry, he is a Michigan native just like me! 

WHAT I WANT FROM THE WORLD 

by Patrick Ryan Frank

On some bright beach in Hawaii,

in some dim year of the past,

one leper in love with another

says, Take my hand. That's all --

sweet joke or two, quick touch,

an elegy on a postcard.

Not much, no more than moments

of luck in a luckless life,

of trouble beautifully lit.

So let the lepers think

the numbness of their lips

is love. Let the sharks

be far and slow. Let

nobody see their bodies

as they run into the sea

with the sun in tatters on

the water, with laughter, a wind

through palms that sounds like Please.